Sexuality vs Sexuality

Yep, I'm doing it again. Another weird one... Sorta.

Now, I have a different spin on the entire thing, being asexual. For those who haven't read the earlier blogs, yes, I identify as asexual. I don't feel sexual desire. I don't want sex. Sex is boring. Yes, I'm married. Yes, I have a kid. That does not mean I am someone who likes or wants sex, it means I love my husband.

Sexuality has more than one meaning, and as our culture is very sex-obsessed, I thought I'd address how I see people who exude "sex appeal". Hell, I can feel sexy, or something similar, too, and I don't want sex. They have nothing to do with one another. The idea for this blog came to me after seeing the new Repo: The Genetic Opera, from the character the Graverobber.

I realized last night that I caught myself calling him sexy, though that wasn't what I meant. I just don't know the vocabulary for what I am referring to.  There are certain traits that when put together draw me in.  I call it "sexy" but what I really mean is not "you're gorgeous, I would love to sleep with that man/woman", but "You are a beautiful character (real person or fictional) who has a personality I am attracted to, I would love to give you a huge hug and talk for hours, you'd be awesome to hang out with."

A bit more wordy, huh?

I feel this in varying degrees for different people. I feel it a lot for my husband, with an added kick of "I can't imagine my life without you in it, and your penis is kind of cute..." as opposed to OH GOD, WHAT IS THAT THING??? (I feel the same way toward vaginas, but I haven't seen any but my own up close.)

In all seriousness though (And sorry if I embarrassed you, honey <3), I don't differentiate love.  Perhaps my brain chemistry is confused between affection and curiosity. I don't know.  But, yeah, there's that.

I can see body art (usually full body body paint) photos and find it beautiful, but porn makes me want to vomit. It takes the beauty away from the human body and diminishes it into a short, totally focused act of two people grunting and humping for a few minutes. Oh yeah, gorgeous.

Sorry, no one ever looks good in porn. In my experience someone is always getting dominated, and thus it seems less about what (I imagine) sex is about, than momentary pleasure you could get yourself from a toy or your hand. Frankly, I don't get why people watch it.

That's weird enough, right? Hold on to your panties, kids, I'm not nearly done yet.


Next, is something even weirder.  Yeah, I know! I'm like Queen Weird of Castle Crazy.
But really...


I can feel gorgeous. Sexy(kinda?)  I like the idea of doing amazing photos, nude and not. Nudity is not sexual, at least to me. It's part of who I am. The clothes I wear I put on sometimes for me, more often because sadly our culture is so hypersexualized if I were to go topless people would stare in shock.

I like that power, kinda. Not to the point where I want to get famous for it, or get attention all the time, but sometimes it's fun to surprise people.

But, yeah.  I see things from an entirely different point of view. Someone can be sexy, but not make you want to have sex.... right? Or am I wrong?

I don't even know, and that's why I blog.


Thank you for reading. It means a lot to me <3