Torchwood: Miracle Day on Humanity

I haven't watched Torchwood much before this season, so I'll give you the background I know. For Doctor Who fans, you know already that Torchwood is an offshoot of Doctor Who, so it's going to have slightly more fantasy undertones than most American TV shows. Fantasy/Sci fi really. Anyway, Torchwood is the group that tries to fix crap when the Doctor doesn't show up to save the world. As Gwen says, quite beautifully at one point, “You know, I used to wonder why the Doctor wouldn't show up sometimes. But now I think I know. Sometimes he must look down at us and see what we can do to each other and be filled with disappointment.” Or something similar, anyway.

Torchwood seems to be the more adult version of Doctor Who, with no magic phone box, and more real-world and darker problems. In this season, The Miracle occurs.. or so it seems to be at first. The Miracle is an event that occurs one day, that makes everyone more than just immortal. You simply cannot die. It's a lot like what happens to Jack before the Miracle- he lives again.. and again.. and again. You feel the deaths. You feel the pain. But you come back. At first it seems like an amazing beautiful thing.. But then the darker side of the “Miracle” shows up.

People burnt to a skeleton with eyes are still breathing. When you cut off their head they still blink. A woman was shaken by her husband, and when she didn't die, when her neck snapped, he kept shaking her because she was still alive until her brain turned into Jello... And the cops weren't allowed to do anything about it because “Attempted Murder” no longer exists when no one can die.

Then the Tea Party starts an idea. “Dead is Dead”. Basically, they think people should shun the people who should have died via heart attack, or trauma (Rex, a main character, had a pole go through his chest, it still ruptures and bleeds for at least half the season til it finally heals itself). People who should be dead will supposedly die because they are not meant to be alive. This idea mutates as the population grows and the world starts realizing problems, like the fact that there are still births and the population is still growing.. But there's no one dying to balance it out.

So, PhiCorp and some of the governments come up with these ideas for “Camps”. There are Category Ones, Category Twos and Category Threes. Category Ones I believe are the ones who should be dead, or have an illness that will kill them, like cancer.. Or have reoccuring heart attacks, like Gwen's father. They will send the category 1's to these camps and “sort out the mess”. An episode later it is discovered that the Category 1's are simply shoved in ovens and burnt to sand. A woman who was actually alive, well, and was going to go to the world with information about how people with no insurance were being “misfiled” as Category 1's was shot 4 times by the guy who ran the place, who snapped, and shoved in an oven. The man she loved had to watch her burn and record it because he couldn't save her.

Obviously, the Miracle isn't all that wonderful or beautiful. And to me, this has a lot of important connotations people should pay attention to... There are verrrrrrry obvious symbols, points, etc.. Like PhiCorp having stocked up on medication to make bank on the illness that would occur when the Miracle occurs. The fact that people without health insurance are treated as if they're dead. For a British show it really has a good point for Americans too, about how Health Care is corrupt and it's obscene how corrupt it really is. Or maybe how humans, how we have the ability as people, just like everyone else on the planet, to shut off our ability to empathize with our fellow man.

This is something I've observed myself as someone who happens to be homeless. Legally, anyway. I now have a roof over my head, but I still don't have a legal address.. and I see how people I know are treated, or people on the street are treated. I see how people think. It's pretty similar, it's a very dark, scary concept that we have the ability to just filter our mind to see individuals as part of a group.. And said group as less than we are, and thus less than human/less deserving.

This starts out in high school, I suppose, though not nearly as effectively. It mutates with age to become groups we dislike. I find myself doing it occasionally, though I know I do it less than a lot of people out there. And yes, I do see the irony in the fact that I distance myself from humanity to such a degree that I can think of people, all people, as them, and myself as me.

We're an arrogant bunch. We really are. We like thinking of ourselves as Kings of our own world. I forget some of the terminology, forgive me, I intend to go to college in the fall, but basically it has to do with the fact that every single person, every single individual person sees the same world in a different light. A different way. No two people will experience life in the same way, not even the same way on the same day. We're fucking complicated.

Due to that, we have a hard time I guess seeing our own flaws, our own failures.. Admitting that we too, make mistakes. But, that's a tale and a conversation for another time.

When we have to survive, it is very easy for us to adapt into an us or them mentality. Whether that is in terms of Category Ones and being okay with someone who accidentally tripped down a flight of stairs being shoved in an oven because “They should be dead” and “I'd rather it be them than me/mine”, or in an actual battle situation it's you vs someone that wants to kill you, it is the same effect.

Now, that also changes, the first part does anyway, with whether it's someone you personally know and care about or not. It's harder to distance yourself from someone you've gotten to know. I try to get to know as many people as I can. I obviously filter them when I realize we don't see eye to eye or we are not a good mental match for each other, but getting to know other humans enriches your own experience. And that's coming from someone with “Generalized Anxiety Disorder” according to a therapist/whatever person, and someone who knows very well she has an issue with people as a whole.

Perhaps that's why I like this show so much. I'm a very dark, blunt person when it comes to bringing about a point. I see things in imagery, and so I try to share and use examples that bring clarity. This show is very in your face about how the world would really be if something like that happened, and I think it's a good wakeup call about the health care industry.

Retirement Savings

Now, I'm going to start this off by saying a few things. Firstly, I grew up in a motel with a dad who lived... in the moment.  Due to this, I began to learn how to survive by thinking of the future (I'm making it sound a bit worse than it is, I guess, but I was very stressed out about money, even at the age of 12.)  I started to learn how to make very little money last me quite a while.  I have subconsciously fine-tuned said skills over the years, and now I want to share some of the knowledge I've gained.

We live in very stressful times.  It may get better, it may get worse, none of us really know for sure, we can only live in the moment and hope for the future. Believe me, truly, I understand. It's scary.  Terrifying, if we will admit the truth to ourselves. But even still, there is hope.

I've lived in poverty for most of my life.  And I do mean that as in all but a year or so.  I know how to take a dollar and make it stretch.  And so, here's the actual blog.

There is a retirement fund called a Roth IRA. I don't know much about these specifically, I am not going to say I am a banker... However, you can look into it for yourself.  I will post the links at the bottom.

If you start out this account with 50 dollars in it, and put 1,000 dollars a year into it starting at the age of 23 (that's about 82 dollars a month or 20.50 a week) you will end up with 329,850.  Using the second link, I put in the full amount at retirement of the calculations I chose, and put 20,000 dollars a year as what I'd spend at retirement.  Now, with inflation it'll probably be more than that, but even with that tiny amount put away every year, you'd be able to live for 20 years.

Now, here's the thing. That's assuming you are only putting 20 dollars a week away.  40 out of your bi-weekly paycheck.  That calculation, that simple calculation is assuming you only ever put that away.. Here's how I think about it, in terms of myself.

Say I were to get a job again soon (which I hope happens..) that is 8.50 an hour, 40 hours a week. I am married, so I'll pretend Jason is my roommate for those people who aren't.  That will come into play in a minute or two.  I did the calculations just now, and at that wage, with 15% tax taken out, (and I'm not counting the government giving it back to you at tax time) you have 1252 to play with.

Now, here's my logic on the next part.  Theoretically, whether you live in the city, where most people get roommates to be able to afford anything, or you live in the suburbs/normal sized towns across the US, rent is about 600 bucks.  By that I mean if you have a roommate in the city and rent is usually idk, 1200, you're forking over 600.  Generally water etc is included, not counting that. For transportation (i.e. a car or public transportation monthly I'll say idk, 100 bucks a month for that. I'm leaving some room throughout all this for personal adjustments.. car insurance etc I don't know much about tbh, I don't drive.  But so far you're up to 700 out of the 1252, so I'll say about another 150 or so for utilities if you're living alone and living frugally.  Now you're up to 850.  For basic necessities for the month, 50 bucks.  (Toilet paper, paper towels, dish soap, laundry, bathroom stuff(shower))  you're up to 900.  You still have 352 left to work with.

Here and there you might miss a five due to your own personal living habits, etc, but again.. Trying to be as general as possible.  352 is quite a bit. Let's just take that 85 out right now (rounding up to make things easier .  That leaves you with 267.

I'm hoping you're able to keep up with my scatterbrained tendencies, sorry.. if not feel free to contact me and I'll try to explain better.

Now, if you're paid bi-weekly, here's what you are looking at.  300 for rent, give or take.  50 for transportation (bus pass or gas) 75 for utilities, 25 for necessities, and 100 for food.  (I'm just going to say screw it, and give you the other 67 to play with, but you can always put that away too, or save *that* in the bank for emergency funding like losing your job.)


200 a month for food is the next thing I am going to talk about here.  That's a lot of money on food.  Honestly, it is.  You can if you buy intelligently and can do basic cooking, live really well off that.  Use coupons, stock up on pasta and rice. Get some bulk pasta sauce (like, big jars.) and parmesean.  Bread and lunch meat or pb and j.  Eggs, milk, if you get some of it store brand you'll be saving yourself money. Cereal, bagels even if you want.  Chicken and meat. 

Some tips:
-Invest in ziplock bags.  Portion up the meat into serving amounts (1 chicken breast, half a lb of ground beef, etc)  and freeze some. 
-When you get the rice, freeze the bag for a week.  Not to sound gross, but sometimes they do have eggs in them, and it's better to be safe than sorry. By freezing it for a week, it kills all the eggs. Also, keep it in a cool dry place. Above the stove is a very bad idea.

Get vegetables when you can, whatever kind you like.  Salad fixings.  You really can afford all of this if you aren't buying munchies and soda first. Figure out how much you'll go through of real food a month before getting soda and stuff.  Stock up on rice and beans or ramen and butter and canned veggies(which often go on sale) for if you ever miscalculate.



Now, keep in mind.. You won't be working minimum wage forever.  Eventually as you live your life, you will grow into better jobs with better pay, and be able to save more and use more.. So this is only a bare basics thing.  You have 40 years to put money into this account.  There is hope. Every day you live puts you one step closer to new experiences and new things.  I guess I'm done now, feel free to comment if I left anything sort of hanging (I might have, I forgot).  Most of all, good luck and stay safe.  And remember.. If all else fails, you can always go for food banks.


Roth IRA Calculator:  http://www.dinkytown.net/java/RothIRA.html#calc

How long your retirement will last:  http://www.dinkytown.net/java/RetirementDistribution.html

Not Queer Enough?

And I use the term to mean both gay and weird. Yeah, I'm saying it.  I want to know why you never really hear about the people like me...  I feel awkward everywhere, to be honest with you. I am comfortable enough in myself to not notice it all the time, but I realized recently that part of the reason I don't like going to SMYRC (Sexual Minority Youth Resource Center) here in portland is partially due to the amount of screaming Bieber fanboys and girls, and partially due to the fact that I feel really uncomfortable being there. Not only do they not allow straight people on property, they also seemed to have an attitude with me when I came up to them last year to sign up to be able to come hang out if I wanted to.. I told them that I don't really have a sexual preference. When they asked if I was bi, I said no.

Why? Because I'm not. I'm not bisexual, really. I suppose it may be possible for me to be attracted to a male sexually, or a female sexually, but all in all I am not a sexually oriented person. I don't identify as male or female. I identify as both and neither simultaneously.. Which sadly people don't seem to understand.

I don't get why they don't.  Maybe it's because we live in such a highly sexualized world that it's perceived as strange and abnormal to be uninterested in sex.. But I'm not. I don't get aroused by seeing someone naked. In fact, it's almost the opposite. I like the male figure. I like the female figure.  But the sex organs? I mean, what the fuck, man?  Really?  What the hell..

They look funny, on the most positive side, and creepy on the most negative.  A vagina to me looks like an angry taco, sometimes with fur, sometimes bald. A penis looks like a deformed mushroom-banana mixture creation. It's not attractive. It's downright fucking weird.

That being said, I am a total fan of nude art. Note, nude art. Not pornography. I hate pornography, it's disgusting and at best just makes me want to giggle and puke at the same time. I mean, how can you look at the two bodies bouncing off each other, and flesh flailing in every direction and get aroused? I mean, really. Between breasts jiggling like floppy punching bags, and the actual appearance of the penis going into or out of the mouth.. The facial contortions people make and the fact that it's all so obviously fake, how does anyone like it??

I don't perceive myself as being male or female. I am in a female body, but that's about it.. I'm like a nongendered patron taking a ride in a human life as a female. Obviously, being pregnant makes that interesting.

I don't want to be called he or she. I don't really care. I let people call me she/her because I guess I tend to act more feminine in some ways, while in others I definitely don't. I'm too outspoken, supposedly, for one thing. I hate the idea of wearing a purse or putting on makeup. I like buying and wearing different clothes. I really like variety.

But I'm neither a he nor a she at heart, and I'm not really sexually interested in anyone. That's kind of a hard, almost mean thing for me to say. I actually feel guilty about it, at times, because I do love my husband very deeply. I'm pregnant with his child.  But sex is uncomfortable for the most part for me, and I prefer hugs to kisses. But where do I stand, really? I'm not gay, bi, lesbian, or transgendered, in the true sense of the words. Where do I belong?

Being a "Bitch"

You know... (Mind you, I am writing this with a big happy smile on my face) I actually really like it when I get called a bitch.  No, really.. I do. It's a high compliment for me. I am trying to keep my own personal life off this blog, as I have a facebook for that, but..  this is something that really strikes a chord in me. A very loud, resounding chord that shakes the very air around me, in a good way. I can almost feel it vibrating on my skin. When I get called a bitch, I feel almost a wave of psychological power wash over me, in a manner of speaking.

Calling someone a bitch is not as degrading as it once was. In some contexts it is, such as with pimps etc (And I mean the literal kind, not the idiotic ghetto people who use the term to show how "cool" and "hardcore" they are..)  In fact, in most cases although it is meant as an insult, if you really think of the actions/attitudes said woman took to achieve the social status of being known as a bitch, you'll notice it really just means she doesn't take any guff from anyone. 

Guff. I like that word. :)

People can suck. I think everyone reading this blog has met that jackass that they really want to trip down a flight of stairs just to see them fall.  Let's be honest with each other here, this is the internet, we are allowed. For that matter, I will talk directly to you, whoever you are who happens to be reading this.  Humans have a tendency to immediately judge someone within moments. Sure, not everyone does this as intensely as others, but it is human nature to observe and pass judgement. It isn't even a bad thing. Not really.

I'm sure there's someone at your work who is so utterly dramatic you just can't stand them. I'm sure there's someone who shoves their nose in everyone else's business and will not let anyone around them live in peace without informing them, with all the glitz and glamour they can stuff into the words, all about someone else's life, or a situation they heard of. These people exist. I'm not sure why, personally, but they do. I don't quite understand the reasoning behind it, or why people actually like to involve themselves in other people's lives to such an extent after having passed the tender age of 13, but to each their own.

Now...  When it comes right down to it, being a bitch is not putting up with people's crap. Generally, you're a bitch when you stand up for yourself, for what you believe in, and cut off the drama and lies. You're more aggressive than passive in your want to be left alone, and you tend to be very blunt with what you think about different things. You don't let society cow you. That is not something that you should ever be ashamed of. The word "Bitch"as an insult tends to be from other females who are affronted by said Bitch, or from men who have been similarly insulted/put in their place.  People have quite a few tendencies. Another is getting arrogant. I will also fully admit I can be an arrogant asshole. Everyone can.  However, when people have been showing signs of arrogance for a long time and have not been properly set in their place, when they finally are they do not take it very well.

I guess what I'm really saying here is, I'm not ashamed of not being passive about some things. I'll be quiet about stuff. I'll keep my mouth shut and keep to myself until you try to involve me in your drama and your, well, crap, but I am not ashamed that I will get outspoken and stand up for myself, my opinions, and try to show honesty.. Even if it means pointing out when someone is lying or exaggerating.

Where did this entire thought come from?  I re-met someone I haven't seen in over 6 months who I never really talked to before, and she said that I'm apparently "less of a bitch"now.  I think in all honesty all it really took was getting to know me. Try to get to know that bitch who seems like this. Some bitches are just more vicious versions of the drama queen, but the quiet ones often aren't. I can't tell you how many bitches I'm proud to be friends with.