It has been said by some psychologists
that “Physical abuse isn't the same as emotional abuse”. Who
knows, it may even be true. But physical abuse still holds
psychological trauma, though perhaps not so severe as purely
psychological and emotional abuse.
FOR THE RECORD! I do not personally know about physical or sexual abuse.. except for psychological sexual abuse I suppose. I am NOT claiming to know what it is like for anyone who has, and I really really do not mean to hurt anyone, so if this is a sensitive topic to you and you are not ready to read this please feel free to x out of this tab in your browser, or hit the back button, etc. I'm not trying to diminish anyone's pain, by any means.
I don't know, I was never physically abused. But one thing I do know is that physical abuse does have psychological manifestations as well, because when it is done to children it begins a cycle of abuse and acceptance of it. For example: Say there's a girl named Mary, raised by her parents. They beat her from when she is 5 years old on up, from spankings to more violent means. She begins to quickly learn that this is her world. That this is how things simply are. At first she doesn't understand why Mommy and Daddy hurt her, then she begins to believe she deserves it. She starts to accept it, if not like it. Because she is so young and her brain is developing, she begins to learn that this is okay, that she deserves it, she is a bad girl. She will probably try to be good, but the parents don't see that, they only see what they perceive as bad behavior, and so her box of what she thinks she can do begins to shrink.
It's hard for me to write this, and I haven't even been hit. I was spanked once as a kid, maybe 8 or so, because I had to stay after school and my dad didn't know where I was, so he took his frustration out on me. I didn't understand what I did wrong and thought it was unfair. I never had a problem with him again until I was 16.
So she begins to become less social possibly, because her trust is so small and she begins to expect the same behavior from her parents to come from others. She starts dating someone who is like her parents because that's what she recognizes, and she enters the realm of domestic violence. Psychologically, people in domestically violent situations have trouble distancing themselves from the person because they have lived with it for so long that it becomes survival. It becomes second nature to excuse their partner's problems. It's not that bad, they'll change, etc. This is not due to weakness, or them being pathetic. You being in that situation will be different from someone else. What you might do in that situation as someone who didn't grow accustomed to it will be VASTLY different than someone trained for it.
Or perhaps the abused will become the abuser over time. That happens as well.
When it comes to psychological damage, that depends on a per situation basis. I mean, hell, with my dad, I don't think he ever knew how I reacted to offhand comments he'd make when he was drunk. I don't think it occurred to him at all. I don't blame him for that at all. I don't blame him for what my mind took from what he said. I'm not so sure I entirely blame myself, either. It was just something that happened when a feminist at heart hears things for extended periods of time.
See, my father would make comments about how women used to be in positions of great respect and authority, before christianity. Then men took over. I'd go into detail but I can already feel the fury that came with this coming on a little. Basically, my dad went into details about just how screwed over women were over the centuries... Sometimes he'd take a more feminist approach, other times he'd be a misogynistic prick. He made little DARK “jokes” about how the reason high heels and miniskirts are supposedly so popular with men is it makes it harder for the women to run away and “easy access”.
Sometimes he'd make comments about how all the boys watched me walk away. But no, they weren't really interested in ME, they just wanted whatever pussy they could get. Etc, etc, etc. When I focus on it, I can see what he MEANT by it, what he meant to do by it, which was discourage me from having sex before I was ready.
But now? Well, I despised the very idea of sex for a long time. Then I distanced myself entirely from it. I'd have sex with someone, but basically be out of my body, emotionally GONE. I didn't enjoy it, it was more like I was trying to understand why people like this act that is supposedly so fun, so good, so “perfect” or whatever. I distanced myself from it so utterly that being raped didn't really bother me, as fucked up as it sounds. What bothered me the MOST about it was how close I came to being ACTUALLY hurt. The guy was an ex convict. I was in a van but NOT at all where I remembered being before it all started. I had blacked out and woke up with the guy on top of me, inside me, and he looked like a demon with the way he was backlit by the streetlight outside. What freaked me out was the lack of control, the sheer fact that even after I left that next morning I needed him to walk me to the bus stop/max train.
Being raped didn't scare me. I was angry about it, but he was much bigger than me, so all I could really do was beg him to let me sleep, to get out of me, to just let me sleep, etc.
But now? For some reason, the very topic of sex bothers me. I can talk about the life of a sex worker/escort with some of my friends who have been. I can contemplate abstractly filming myself and my husband as amateur porn or something. Not that I'd end up doing it, simply because I just don't want people I know to see me. I can discuss my own sex life I think, though I'm not sure. I haven't, really. But other people's? Talking about sex and our culture, abstractly? Talking about sex and “Sexual freedom” etc? It just makes me shut down just as a room with people in it does. Even sounds of a tv show can shut me down on occasion.
It's amazing what can change your views, your outlook on life. Your very personality. I've always been a strong person, though in high school I was too afraid. I was angry enough and determined enough to come into myself.
I don't think everyone is that lucky. I don't think everyone who has been abused can just... shut it out, have it be a good thing that changes them for the better. CPS doesn't do much to help anyone, but it's better than ignoring it, in my opinion.
FOR THE RECORD! I do not personally know about physical or sexual abuse.. except for psychological sexual abuse I suppose. I am NOT claiming to know what it is like for anyone who has, and I really really do not mean to hurt anyone, so if this is a sensitive topic to you and you are not ready to read this please feel free to x out of this tab in your browser, or hit the back button, etc. I'm not trying to diminish anyone's pain, by any means.
I don't know, I was never physically abused. But one thing I do know is that physical abuse does have psychological manifestations as well, because when it is done to children it begins a cycle of abuse and acceptance of it. For example: Say there's a girl named Mary, raised by her parents. They beat her from when she is 5 years old on up, from spankings to more violent means. She begins to quickly learn that this is her world. That this is how things simply are. At first she doesn't understand why Mommy and Daddy hurt her, then she begins to believe she deserves it. She starts to accept it, if not like it. Because she is so young and her brain is developing, she begins to learn that this is okay, that she deserves it, she is a bad girl. She will probably try to be good, but the parents don't see that, they only see what they perceive as bad behavior, and so her box of what she thinks she can do begins to shrink.
It's hard for me to write this, and I haven't even been hit. I was spanked once as a kid, maybe 8 or so, because I had to stay after school and my dad didn't know where I was, so he took his frustration out on me. I didn't understand what I did wrong and thought it was unfair. I never had a problem with him again until I was 16.
So she begins to become less social possibly, because her trust is so small and she begins to expect the same behavior from her parents to come from others. She starts dating someone who is like her parents because that's what she recognizes, and she enters the realm of domestic violence. Psychologically, people in domestically violent situations have trouble distancing themselves from the person because they have lived with it for so long that it becomes survival. It becomes second nature to excuse their partner's problems. It's not that bad, they'll change, etc. This is not due to weakness, or them being pathetic. You being in that situation will be different from someone else. What you might do in that situation as someone who didn't grow accustomed to it will be VASTLY different than someone trained for it.
Or perhaps the abused will become the abuser over time. That happens as well.
When it comes to psychological damage, that depends on a per situation basis. I mean, hell, with my dad, I don't think he ever knew how I reacted to offhand comments he'd make when he was drunk. I don't think it occurred to him at all. I don't blame him for that at all. I don't blame him for what my mind took from what he said. I'm not so sure I entirely blame myself, either. It was just something that happened when a feminist at heart hears things for extended periods of time.
See, my father would make comments about how women used to be in positions of great respect and authority, before christianity. Then men took over. I'd go into detail but I can already feel the fury that came with this coming on a little. Basically, my dad went into details about just how screwed over women were over the centuries... Sometimes he'd take a more feminist approach, other times he'd be a misogynistic prick. He made little DARK “jokes” about how the reason high heels and miniskirts are supposedly so popular with men is it makes it harder for the women to run away and “easy access”.
Sometimes he'd make comments about how all the boys watched me walk away. But no, they weren't really interested in ME, they just wanted whatever pussy they could get. Etc, etc, etc. When I focus on it, I can see what he MEANT by it, what he meant to do by it, which was discourage me from having sex before I was ready.
But now? Well, I despised the very idea of sex for a long time. Then I distanced myself entirely from it. I'd have sex with someone, but basically be out of my body, emotionally GONE. I didn't enjoy it, it was more like I was trying to understand why people like this act that is supposedly so fun, so good, so “perfect” or whatever. I distanced myself from it so utterly that being raped didn't really bother me, as fucked up as it sounds. What bothered me the MOST about it was how close I came to being ACTUALLY hurt. The guy was an ex convict. I was in a van but NOT at all where I remembered being before it all started. I had blacked out and woke up with the guy on top of me, inside me, and he looked like a demon with the way he was backlit by the streetlight outside. What freaked me out was the lack of control, the sheer fact that even after I left that next morning I needed him to walk me to the bus stop/max train.
Being raped didn't scare me. I was angry about it, but he was much bigger than me, so all I could really do was beg him to let me sleep, to get out of me, to just let me sleep, etc.
But now? For some reason, the very topic of sex bothers me. I can talk about the life of a sex worker/escort with some of my friends who have been. I can contemplate abstractly filming myself and my husband as amateur porn or something. Not that I'd end up doing it, simply because I just don't want people I know to see me. I can discuss my own sex life I think, though I'm not sure. I haven't, really. But other people's? Talking about sex and our culture, abstractly? Talking about sex and “Sexual freedom” etc? It just makes me shut down just as a room with people in it does. Even sounds of a tv show can shut me down on occasion.
It's amazing what can change your views, your outlook on life. Your very personality. I've always been a strong person, though in high school I was too afraid. I was angry enough and determined enough to come into myself.
I don't think everyone is that lucky. I don't think everyone who has been abused can just... shut it out, have it be a good thing that changes them for the better. CPS doesn't do much to help anyone, but it's better than ignoring it, in my opinion.
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