That is utterly appalling.

Just got back into downtown today. Found out that there's a 30 person wait list for case management at Outside In (the youth homeless program in Downtown Portland).  Found out we can't even get into the shelter as emergency cases or get emergency nights anymore because we aren't even in the system. 

So can someone tell me why, when we live in the 21st century, people don't give a shit about the homeless? Nothing has been done about this. No new shelters have been implemented. Outside In can't afford the staff for their caseload. And nothing. Not one fucking thing is being done about it?

I'm 5 and 1/2 months pregnant, approximately.  Due December 28th. And unless a miracle happens I'll be sleeping outside tonight under a bridge somewhere in the rain, because no one gives two shits about the homeless enough to make a real difference. WHY?  It's a very simple question, why will no one answer me? Why don't people care about this? Why is nothing being done? Why is it that in one of the most homeless friendly cities in the country, I am having to sleep outside even though I'm not a drug addict, if I took a urine test it would be like, passing with a fucking rainbow, and I HAVE A GODDAMN PLAN?

Why are there only 30 beds in the emergency shelter for youth? Why does no one fucking give a shit? I wouldn't normally swear but this is really making me livid.

Business Idea...

Well, to me it is a business idea. I guess it could be considered many things.  See, I've had a craving lately, and not for food. A craving to create. Perhaps it's because my own life has been so utterly chaotic these last few years, I want to make myself a little bit of order to maintain my sanity. Who knows. Anyway, I got thinking, because I am of an activist/caring/fiery mind, about all the people I've met, out here and in Portland, who are homeless, feel worthless, but yet can make or do amazing, beautiful things... and just don't think about it.

I type 90 wpm. I'm also almost 6 months pregnant. I made a very stupid choice in who I listened to, and came out here regardless of different (though no better..) options.  Well, I learned my lesson. And due to other things that happened, Jason's parents were good enough to spend quite a bit of money to help him and I out.. We now owe them 500 dollars. Totally understandable, though it makes me no less irritated at the circumstances in which I owe them said money, but that's a personal matter and doesn't belong here.

Anyway, I started thinking of all the homeless youth and people who feel worthless, because psychologically it's extremely traumatizing and degrading.  Even the strongest in spirit will eventually be worn down. And many people I've met are amazing artists, or good with crafting, or like to knit or paint or whatever. Well, I have a proposition for them. It's going to just be a Portland thing (unless I guess other people want to donate stuff to be sold and I could use the profits to buy supplies? o_O Only reason I'm throwing that out there is I've had some unexpected offers of late and it's opening my mind to possibilities once again.)

I'm going to get some yarn and some needles and start working on a baby blanket, seeing as I'm due December 28th.  But, I'm also going to start making bracelets and scarves and anklets and wrist/forearm warmers, and I'm going to start selling them. I'm going to share any materials I get that I can with other people who are interested in starting this with me, and I'll sit down by saturday market with a piece of paper and sell everything I can.  I'll keep track of how much people want for x item, and I will be able to tell customers about the person who made the item, because this does tie in with Project Identity.  The homeless are people too. We still have feelings, we still have desires, we still have dreams and yearnings and characteristics as individuals.

You don't lose your humanity because you're poor. 

Anyway, I'm going to try to expand this.. See who all I can get interested in it, get people to teach each other how to do things. I can knit (very basically) and I know how to do macrame.. I'll take paintings and jewelry etc as well.  I'm actually also hoping to get connected with a way to make stickers for cheap so I can sell them, I have a good idea for what I want it to say.

All proceeds will go back to the person who made the item, and people can donate either gift cards or cash that will go to supplies only. None of the people I get this for will be buying hard drugs with it.  Period. I'll handle the gift cards/supplies, and we can do meetups in the Park Blocks or something, we can figure it out. :)  I hope people like this idea, I know I do. Eventually I want to have this be a booth or a website I can do too. :)

A Shout-Out/Thank You

This is more along a personal line, and I won't be going into too much detail as to what happened/how I'm feeling otherwise, but this is a thank you.

To all my friends who've stood by my side, and wished me well in this troubled time, and those who have sent what they could, and those who couldn't afford it. For those of you who hope for the best for me, and are sending positive thoughts, I just wanted to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart. The overwhelming generosity and kindness of people I "barely know" is astounding, and is slowly restoring my tattered faith in humanity. No, I'm not being melodramatic, I do have issues with people in general, and the simple fact of all the offers I've received of getting care packages sent back to Portland where I can receive them, and people saying they'd let me stay there if they had a place/lived near me/could/etc.. All the people who are boosting my spirits when I need it the most I wanted to say thank you, in the most profound way I can.

I can't tell you what it means to me to have people treat me as if I am a good person, a person deserving of respect and kindness and compliments.. I try to be a good person, as best I can, and I try to deal with my issues as best I can, and sometimes I fail. Sometimes I mess up. But.. It's nice to know that people out there see me trying, and see me for who I am, for who I am doing my best to be.

So, thank you. Thank you for the overwhelming support I've received, from people I didn't even know read my statuses. Thank you for caring. :) *hugs* You're really helping, emotionally as well as financially, hahahaha.

New, New, New!!!

I'm starting a website soon (well, when I can afford it).  I am very serious about my photography, and I want to grow as a person out in the world/workforce. I want to make a name for myself. I'm 5 months pregnant and have 4 months to get an apartment. Soon I am moving back to the only place I've ever felt at home. Portland, Oregon. It struck me just this morning, to wonder if real estate agents etc ever hire photographers to take good pictures. To be able to sell a good house, you have to see/show a good house. You want unique pictures that will capture the interest of the potential buyers. That goes with everything from people, to ideas, to products, to just plain beauty.

Here is my plan thus far. I get there August 24th. The very next day I am going to Outside In at 9 am and asking very politely and firmly to get signed up for case management again. I need to get back on Streetlight's wait list so I can have stable housing for my child. I am going to work with them to see if they can help me get a part time job so I can save up money. I am going to work on my photography more. I am going to start my website, and this blog will be moved there as soon as it is up. The website will be primarily focused on my blog, my photography, and activism I am taking part in (Primarily homelessness, poverty, food needs, etc)

I am a professional. I am 23 years old, and I am going to make a name for myself. :)