I'll tell you the truth, Internet Dwellers..

I'm very worried.  Financially, for myself and a lot of people in this country I've never even met. Friends I've had and had to leave behind, little pieces of me left with them. I carry a piece of them with me, but that's a thought for another blog, another day. Today I've got to get something off my chest.

I'm am scared. There, I said it. Me, who's been through so much crap for so long, who grew up in a motel room, who was literally homeless for a year, who's lived with sociopaths of many different arrays of psychosis, am actually scared. I'll go into my situation first, then why I'm scared for other people later. But I really need to talk about this.

It's my own fault, really. I don't consider it a bad thing, but the pregnancy wasn't exactly expected. I've been running, trying to find the green pasture, trying to find home. That feeling I've never really felt before except in my mind. That feeling of welcome, of knowing you belong. The closest I've found are Canandaigua, NY and Portland, Oregon. But that's not the point.

I guess I'm still beating around the bush about it even though I'm trying to make myself say it. I've been running for a long damn time, and I am scared.. because now I've run back to where it all started, and I have nothing. Literally, just the items I bring with me, whatever cash I have (less than 50 bucks) and a great deal of hope and inner strength. I have nowhere to go, after two weeks. My dad's giving us a place for two weeks, after that we need to find a place. I won't be able to get on TANF until I'm 6 months, approximately Sept 15thish. So, for the first time I will be actually worried. I'm 4.5 months pregnant right now, almost 5. And I won't have a solid place to stay.  My dad can't afford it, and he's too far away from any decent jobs anyway, and my mom gets help from the government so that'd be pointless. I don't know what to do. I've grown up so much, become an entirely different person but at the core is still the scared me, not knowing what to do.

I'm going to have to hit churches and hope for the best, because Jason and I will get split up at shelters, if there even are any in Canandaigua. I just want a home. Stability. You know?

It's not just me I'm scared for though. The lower class is getting hit hard by all this financial bullshit, and it's only going to get worse.. Because of all the layoffs, more people are sliding downhill financially, and it really worries me.. Unless something changes, I only see bad things happening. I wish the rich would get their heads out of their ass and see people like me as people for once.