Too much on my brain..

This will be a bit more free-write than my usual stuff.

I feel on some levels like I'm being electrified.  On edge, jumpy, bouncy, zappy.  Easily frustrated.  Overwhelmed, in some ways, good and bad.  I feel the washing of good and bad over me, and while I am comfortable, I am also in other ways close to the edge. Edge of what? I don't know.  A freak-out, a writing frenzy, a break. Me time.  Movement forward, always forward.

That's what life is about, really.  We act like we're hot shit because we're HUMANS, right..  We are the kings of the planet.  We took it over, made it our own, and animals live because we let them or some crap, right?

Well..  Take a step back, suspend your beliefs for a moment and try to follow my train of thought here.

Everything you are, all your blood, organs, veins, muscle, fat, skin, bone, tissue, is made up of particles so small you can't quickly conceive of it.  There is more space in you that is empty than all of you.  All those electrons, protons, neutrons, quarks...  All vibrating, moving, bouncing, never still.  What would happen if they were all still? If they just worked together like we perceive machines to?  What would that do to us?

All those tiny, miniature particles, the building blocks of EXISTENCE, and we are it.  We are the only intelligent life we know of.  In this paragraph I mean in the known universe, we are the ONLY planet we have found with provable life on it, let alone as advanced as we are.

What are we? What is existence?  So many particles you can't conceive of them, so many atoms you can't fully contemplate the vastness of them, all for the most part working in tandem.  I mean,  theoretically, we could cease to exist, right?  I read an article recently that stated that approximately 98% of your atoms are gone within 2 years, replaced by others.  98% of YOU disappears and is replaced by something else.  (If this is true..  If it's not, it's still a cool idea to think about.)

Existence as we know it is all those particles working together.  The current theory is that all of everything was once condense to one finite place, right?  One spot. BAM.  And then it erupted outward, and eventually began forming stuff.  And the atoms agree for the most part to stick with the program and go with the flow.  How does that work? I have no fucking clue but it's cool as hell to think about, isn't it??

I for one don't know how that program works.  but I'm glad it does.  All your brain waves, all your thoughts, all your actions, the way your muscles move, the fact that your organs work the way they do,  all the things you probably don't think of most of the time, couldn't work without those building blocks all working in tandem.  So as odd as it may sound, I am going to take a moment to thank the atoms that make me up. I am going to thank the matter that I perceive as myself for working together for me, and for the rest of life on this planet.

Thank you.

Everything we experience on this planet, it's due to what, 14.6 billion years, I think?  Was it lightyears or years? Does it matter?  It's way bigger than us, that's for sure.  All of that, to create all the planets and galaxies and suns and black holes and wormholes and asteroids and WHATEVER that we can't even see, and we. are. it.

For all we know, we are the *only* intelligent life out there.  And right now we're still fighting over the magic man in the sky, or lines in the dirt.  We are it.  What if all those atoms working together to build something capable of what we conceive of as thought, to be able to communicate together, what if we are meant to do something, as a species? I don't know what. Live. Exist.  Share, connect, grow, just as the atoms that make us up do, as the systems in our own planet do.

That is what makes me so immeasurably sad.  The concept that people who hate each other and want to kill each other over things like loving someone with the same genitals, or driving in front of them on the road, or liking a different team of people in bright colored jerseys tackling each other over a ball.

We live on this gorgeous, beautiful planet, in this amazing universe, and we are so obsessed with iPads and the X-Box.  Don't get me wrong, I love gaming as much as the next person, but there is so much more to life than the things like that.  I wonder in some ways if we are on the brink of a great moment in history, human history and otherwise, and we have a choice to make.  Do we work together, or destroy ourselves, and look like a bunch of bratty kids for eternity, if there are other races that find out about us later?

Live the best for you, for the ones you love.  Be happy with your life, if you can, or at least try to be, because the fact that you are alive and can read and understand this is amazing.

I love you, fellow human-bodied fleshbag.  <3

Individuality

Individuality and uniqueness is something I've praised and cherished for a long time. Again for as long as I can remember.. (Approximately age 12. Before that everything's blurry..)

When I was younger, and mostly to date I've always had one key thing about my appearance that stayed the same for a period of time. While growing up I didn't have the funds to dress like I wanted, but I observed enough people's styles to pick and choose what I liked. Thanks to a conversation with my boyfriend yesterday, we pinned down approximately my style range. I tend to range, depending immensely on my mood and purpose, to like things of the following categories- Steampunk, punk(ish), extremely bright clashing hippie, and I think that may have been it. I love the variety of styles I see every day, it makes me happy to realize that there are so many people out there, with their own unique likes and dislikes.

We show more than we realize by what we wear. When we feel frumpy we tend to not really care what we look like and look laidback and careless. When we want to dress nice, we also tend to alter our posture. Everything we do resonates all throughout our self in ways that we don't necessarily even notice. Clothes are a form of psychological armor. When we feel comfortable, we feel safe and confident. When we feel uncomfortable, we usually can't hide it.

Individual uniqueness is something we all share. We're all the same in our craving to be seen as special, in our small yearning to be acknowledged by others in society. Because the universe is vast, and there are so many of us, a small, understandable fear reigns beneath our subconscious, a fear that we are meaningless, invisible, unnoticeable. I cherish all life for its potential, for the fact that it exists. I cherish individuality, even though it's in everyone. You know the phrase, I'm sure. You're a unique snowflake, just like everyone else.  It's true, but it doesn't have to be a negative way of looking at it.

As I've stated, I'm a universal thinker. I find all life, all of existence to be amazing, fascinating, wonderful and beautiful even though it's terrifying. The fact that I am so small and universally meaningless also makes me feel amazed to be alive, to feel, to see, to breathe, to walk, to laugh, to live and to love.

Everything we perceive, everything we see, all communication we have, everything we do or think about doing or possibly could do is due to a wrinkly, lumpy 3 lb of flesh in your skull. Neurons you can't even see are firing and sending electrical pulses telling your body if it's hot or cold, making you aware of your surroundings. Though you are not looking at the ground, your body is able to keep walking forward in a roughly straight line at an incline, walking up and down hills and maintaining the balance of your very strangely balanced body. You are breathing, digesting food, your heart is pounding and your bones are moving due to muscle being told to move by the brain..

And this is all happening so fast and so casually you don't even notice. Feelings you have of sorrow and happiness, missing someone and being glad to see them again, all of that occurs in your brain.  Everything you see is what your brain interprets so quickly you don't realize it's happening, it just is.

Life is an amazing, beautiful experience.. Don't regret it, even for a moment. Though this world is not always the most pleasant to put up with, the people are not always the nicest or most caring, think of all the amazing systems going on around you, and simply be amazed. Amazed that the trees are growing and emitting oxygen, eating carbon dioxide and continuing to live even through winter.

Be amazed that we have such a vast array of things we can want just because someone wondered what would happen if you mixed various things together.  Be happy.