The Gender Binary System

Ah, the gender binary system.  This one may get some nasty responses, but I don't care. Scientifically we are all comprised of both "female" and "male" dna. We're all genetic hybrids all the way down from the first children, assuming that there ever was "pure male" and "pure female" DNA.  You're a splice of your mother and father, who are a splice of their mother and father, etc. When you're born, your body is a bizarre thing that for some reason grows to maturity into a recognizable shape to everyone else.  Somehow your cells know how to build themselves.. That doesn't mean that it matches how you feel, or how you think, etc.

We are not inherantly male or female. The mind is a magnificent, complex thing. So are human emotions. You can't expect someone who was born into a physically female or physically male body to automatically feel what society thinks you should feel like- what society believes male and female to mean. There are not just two genders, a plus and a minus. There are many ways of viewing it, and putting names on it only shrinks the importance of how other people feel.

It can happen many ways, it's not necessarily a chemical thing in the brain, though it could be. It could be anything from the internal war of nature vs nurture, of their personality vs their past, of them fighting something that happened or was said to them so many times that it just caused a reaction, or it could simply be who they are.

Take me for example. I don't know when I started to feel as I do now, but I know that when I was 12 to 18 I lived with my father, who I love very much to this day, who was a sexist prick when he was drunk. The amount of filth I heard about women was astronomical, and mixed with what I was learning about in school and finding out from books, it caused a reverse reaction in me. For years when I masturbated (Yes, I admit I masturbate. It happens :P) I envisioned myself only in the male side because for so many years my father had unwittingly trained me to believe men are stronger and better than women. It led to an internal war that has lasted even to this day, over 7 years from when I first remember feeling the war, and still wages on inside my mind. I don't know what is winning, but I do hope it's me.

My mind has felt like a battlefield since I was 14 years old. My father's unwitting "training" vs my belief that men are the scum of the earth ((Which was a response to attempt to balance it out)) shifted to a disgust for all things sexual that lasted for a few years. Now, I don't even know. I still have times when just hearing certain things about sex, I can't even tell you what, but primarily people telling me too much information about their personal lives is like someone lighting my hair on fire.  I suddenly get filled with an extreme amount of rage and have to walk away.

On the other hand, I have a relationship now, and while we haven't had sex, I think he is the only person I will ever enjoy having it with.

But to get back to the gender binary system that this blog was originally about... I don't feel feminine all the time.  I have my moments where I like skirts and dresses and dressing female, and my times where I'd rather not have breasts and a vagina and would rather wear a suit, cut my hair even shorter, and dress like a "man". 

I tend to sit sprawled out as most males do, because it is more comfortable to me. I'm more blunt than most people I meet, and I don't mind it. I find both males and females attractive, but have never met a female I'd consider worth dating. Who we like and what we like and how wel ike to dress and what we like to do has nothing to do with our plumbing- That could have been miswired when the cells were expanding from the egg and the sperm. Having a vagina doesn't make you all female any more than having a penis makes you a man. The person within this shell of a body is what matters, not the shell itself.


YOU matter. Not your weird bits and pieces.